Starter pistol thought

Do you have thoughts that repeatedly sabotage you? Those thoughts that whisper and whip through your mind so fast you can’t see them, twisting your behaviour so you betray yourself and end up right back where you started despite all your efforts to do better?

Today I uncovered one such thought; a barbed, little devil-thorn of a thought that’s been wreaking havoc in my life for over three decades.

“F*ck it! I don’t care.”

To describe my relationship with food as problematic would be an understatement. Disordered is the word most commonly used to describe my interaction with food but I’ve worked hard to change that and, to the untrained eye, my eating habits over the last few years would look powerfully healthy. To a large extent, they are but that devil-thorn remained.

I have strict rules and I obey them. Until I don’t. Then, “F*ck it! I don’t care!”

This sort of thinking isn’t newsworthy. I imagine if you have a troublesome relationship with food, you’re no stranger to “having a bad day” and promising yourself you’ll “be better tomorrow”.

But what I uncovered today is slightly different. It showed me that I need that thought in order to give in; to grant myself permission to break one of my food rules. Today, it was because I had half a slice of toast when I “should have” had a freshly squeezed vegetable juice.

In the past, that thought would fire the starter pistol on a twister-ride that gathered momentum in my mind, picking up biscuits, cakes, crisps, and sweets along the way, making choices on my behalf, against my will and moving too fast for me to stop it so the only choice would be to go with it until it ran its course. 

But something new clicked in to place today.  I recently discovered (whilst watching ‘Rewired’ by Dr. Joe Dispenza on Gaia) that neuroscientists believe around 95% of the thoughts we have each day are the exact same thoughts we had the day before. If this is true, our thoughts lead us to live the same mistakes over and over again because we run the same patterns over and over again.

Since watching Rewired, I’ve been observing my thoughts more closely and that’s how I came to spot this one and see its power. This single thought fires the starter pistol for a race of historical thoughts, leading to a string of historical behaviours. It has fired the starter pistol on almost every ‘bad food day’ I have ever had.

Seeing the smoking gun so clearly this morning led me to do two things. First, I put down the slice of fruit cake I was about to eat. Second, I sat down to write this.

Now that I know what the starter pistol sounds like, I can claim the power to choose what happens next.

That changes everything.

Photo by cottonbro from Pexels

5 Comments Add yours

  1. Alliediltz says:

    Thus is such a great post. So many of our distorted thoughts start as a chain with one being the leader. It’s easy to follow the links along if we don’t pay attention. Great post!


    1. Big Happy Life says:

      Thank you! Yes, it’s funny how the easily it happens. Sometimes our brains are too efficient! Thanks again for commenting.


  2. simplywendi says:

    thank you so much for writing this post!!!! I have been debating on sitting and watching Giai channel for weeks, going back and forth, not sure it was worth my time. After reading this awesome and helpful post, I am not going to do just that. thank you again. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Big Happy Life says:

      I’m delighted yes to hear you found the post useful!
      Yes, Gaia has some wonderful content available. I hesitated as well but I joined a different site (Food Matters TV) which then ended up merging with Gaia so all the FMTV stuff is on Gaia now too. If you do join, check out the Transcendence documentary. It’s really inspiring! 😊

      Liked by 1 person

      1. simplywendi says:

        Thank you so very much, I will absolutely check it out. My plan is to start it in June! 🙂 Bless you….

        Liked by 1 person

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