I got myself into a bit of a state yesterday.
I was tense and preoccupied and really wanted to curl up into my shell and hide. But I’m a mum and it’s the Easter Break so my kids are home and expecting to have fun. I didn’t give them a particularly fun day. I excused my behaviour under the banner of, “When I was a kid, my parents weren’t expected to be my cruise directors! I just had to find something to do! I had to be creative, dammit!”
By the time they were both in bed and James had left for his band rehearsal, I finally got to sit down on my own. What did I do? I ate. I wasn’t hungry and I didn’t want the food but I ate. Even without sugar, I managed to numb with food.
One saving grace is that I am compassionate with myself these days. I see little point in subjecting myself to a mental beating but I have to recognise that yesterday was an important lesson.
This morning whilst out on my run, I listened to “Take control of your life” by Mel Robbins and heard these two statements.
Who I was does not dictate who I am and who I am becoming.
All the change comes from me.
Hearing these statements dropped something into place for me.
I can cut sugar and I can cut alcohol and still fall into the trap of numbing behaviour because it isn’t about those things. It’s about me.
It’s about how I see myself, what I tell myself and what habits I choose when things get difficult.
So although the last 100 days have been illuminating, it’s clear there is still more work to do. Fortunately, I feel up to the challenge.