According to Marisa Peers, almost all of the weird, unhealthy, unproductive, harmful and downright stupid things we do stem from feelings we have of not being enough. Not pretty enough. Not thin enough. Not clever enough. Not loveable enough.
I’ve been thinking about this in terms of my own journey and, more importantly, because of my children’s journeys.
Recently, I’ve been drawn Peers’ work. She’s a world renowned therapist who uses a technique called Rapid Transformational Therapy (RTT) to help her patients identify the source of these feelings and let them go in a single session. It was during a speech she gave at Mindvalley’s “A-fest” (think TED but for personal development) that I first heard her talk about the effects of feeling “not enough”.
By getting people to identify the source of these feelings and work through them, she reportedly helps people heal in a single 1 hour session – people who have spent years in therapy.
I tried RTT for myself yesterday – as part of an online masterclass. For a variety of reasons, it didn’t quite work for me but it produced a surprising little nugget and has left me curious enough to look into the therapy further.
The session involved Peers dropping viewers into a trance and taking us back in time to talk to childhood versions of ourselves. Mine revealed something I have no conscious recollection of ever thinking or saying. Little 6 year old me said, “My daddy doesn’t come home after work. I don’t think he likes me very much.”
At this point, I feel compelled to say that I know, without a shadow of a doubt that my dad adored me so this revelation is misleading in terms of describing our relationship but may be worth exploring nonetheless. I’m aware that children’s brains work this way – young children process things egocentrically so they make sense of all life situations by putting themselves at the centre. It’s easy, then, for a child to draw such a conclusion from a situation that, through adult eyes, is clearly far more complex.
Anyway, my dad used to go to the pub for a couple of hours every day after work and most of the day on Saturdays. We spent Sundays as a family. It hadn’t occurred to me until the session yesterday that his choice to stay away had ever left a “not enough” mark on me. Nor had it occurred to me that his drinking might have anything to do with my own.
As a series over-thinker, this one is likely to keep me busy for quite some time!