Day 16: Turning away

I’m sitting in the waiting room at Mini’s play therapy session as I type this. For a variety of reasons, I hate coming here. This place is a weekly reminder of all she’s been through, all she still has to go through and all the complications of our story – plus, she comes out of these sessions like a bee on speed and the little control freak in me cowers in the face of her exuberance. I bring books, my laptop and a notepad every time I come here so I don’t have to look up, look around or think about why we’re here or how inadequate I feel.

It occurs to me that this is a pattern in my life – turning away. Distraction and misdirection are key features in life and in my efforts to feel ok. Alcohol has played that role, as have work, food, Facebook, Pinterest, TV and even this blog. Having just read “Dopamine Fasting” by Myth of Matter, I found myself wondering what it would be like to just sit in my own company for a day without any of these distractions.

What treasure exists in the silence and stillness when we turn towards ourselves and look at all the parts of our lives? I’ve decided to give it a try and have marked 6 February in my diary to complete this challenge.

For now though, back to my book, the internet and whatever else I can find to keep me occupied until Mini comes screaming out of the room and runs 90 circles around me.


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