The Christmas of Disconnection

Christmas is usually a time for excess – gifts, food, drink, all of it. I love this time of year but, as someone who struggles to moderate alcohol consumption and who suffered with bulimia for over two decades, it’s also a stressful time.

A few weeks ago, after I started doing the Wim Hof method (a breathing technique followed by a cold shower) on a daily basis, I had an epiphany. My body and mind began to work as a team and I got a sense of the amazing possibilities open to me if I could enhance that relationship.

Over the last few days, however, I’ve spent time with friends and family, let my hair down and celebrated – in excess – and in doing so, have lost the connection with myself. I lay awake for much of the night, aware of my discomfort and inability to relax.

My body is tired, sluggish and bloated. My mind is foggy and listless and my energy is so low, I can’t be bothered to pull myself out. Nor can I be bothered to do the work I promised myself I would do. I can’t face the cold shower of the Wim Hof Method. I don’t want any of it. I only want to go back to bed.

I will do all of the things I have no desire to do because I am driven enough to do them. But. Instead of “team you” working their magic, I do these things with a feeling of disconnection, push and struggle rather than ease, energy and enjoyment. It makes a staggering difference to motivation and momentum.

Today is another family party, followed by three more friend and family events over the next 6 days. If I’m to reconnect with myself, I have to disconnect from the traditions. Not an easy thing to do, particularly when it’s all so fun and enticing.


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