I haven’t written about my meditation experiment for weeks now. It feels like the benefits I was experiencing have vanished or diminished and there seemed little worth sharing.
Last night it occurred to me why my experience has become less positive as the days pass.
- The novelty has worn off – I’m really bored with doing the same meditation every day.
- I still suck at meditation – Or at least I suck at Kirtan Kriya meditation. Between the mantras and mudras and visualisations there’s a lot going on. I wonder whether a simple breath-focused meditation is the way forward.
- I’m using social media a lot more – As part of my quest for a ‘Big Happy Life’, I’m working on getting my business up and running. I need social media profiles and posts and other content and giveaways and a website and god knows what else. The outcome – I’m in front of one screen or another for hours every day. I’m not sleeping well and I’m having trouble relaxing and I think these things are all linked.
- I have stopped writing in my journal – I used to do a bit of a mental download ever day. I’m so busy at the moment I haven’t done it for weeks and I find myself wondering whether meditation works better when it’s accompanied by journalling.
- I am consciously incompetent – When learning anything, there’s a cycle we go through: Unconscious incompetence, we don’t know what we don’t know. Conscious incompetence, we suck at the thing but we know why. Conscious Competence, we can do the thing but we have to concentrate hard. Unconscious Incompetence, we are so good at the thing, we don’t have to think about it anymore. The stage of conscious incompetence is the one most associated with failure. It’s where we decide we suck at something and we give up. The temptation to give up is strong in me right now!
I’m choosing to continue because I believe the benefits will be worth it but I also need to recognise I need to make some changes.
As of today, I’m going back to writing in my journal. I am going to plan my screen time and stick to the rules I set myself and I’m going to remain curious about the changes the practice of meditation brings. 20 days to go and it’s time to look at how all the practices of my life fit together in contributing to my wellbeing rather than focusing on a single element and expecting it to carry everything else.